Never did I imagine...

...that at 26 years old, I would receive a severance package from my employer! YIKES! Yes, you read that right. I was "terminated" from my job as a pediatric physical therapist ~2 weeks ago. Or as they so kindly liked to word things..."there has been a change in policies resulting in a workforce reduction." Well, whatever. However you look at the story, as of Tuesday 2 weeks ago, I was looking for a job. AGAIN. Didn't I just do this a year ago (even though that time was at my own will??) While I have always thought how great it would be to not work, that is a decision that I want to make for myself when the time is right, not a decision that I ever imagined someone else making for me. The reason for my joblessness? The amazing world of government insurance (Medicaid in this case...please, please, please don't get me started!) was going to implement criteria that would prevent ~90% of our patient population from receiving therapy services in a hospital based, outpatient, pediatric clinic. Craptastic! Not only would ~17 therapists be displaced, but sooo many children would probably fall through the cracks and not receive therapy. Hmmm...

Frantic. Look for a job. Tell the families of all these changes. Try to sleep and "live life" when it has been unexpectedly turned upside down. Stress out. Worry. Wonder. Attempt to accept change. These are the emotions of the week following this CRAZY time.

And then last Tuesday afternoon about 5pm, another meeting was called and we were all informed that after speaking with Medicaid officials and bringing them all of the questions that had come out of their "criteria," they informed us to "resume business as usual," as their "intentions were never to disrupt the flow of therapy services to children."

WHAT?? So I was "fired," but now "re-hired?" Is this a late April Fools? Is the joke on me? And a slew of other questions, followed by more uncertainty, wondering what and when the next change might take place.

I knew that through all of this, there was a greater picture, and possibly even a bigger and better plan for my life. My faith was definitely tested. That was the L-O-N-G-E-S-T week of my life. I'm pretty sure that I went through the motions, without feeling much of anything. I only cried once, when I told Nolan about how I was going to miss working with a) my co-workers who I am blessed to call "friends" and b) thinking about all the precious "babies" I have seen since they were born. I generally internalize my emotions, and I know that I definitely did so that week. I didn't feel "stressed," though I now realize that my body was "stressed." (I slept almost 13 hours + 2, 2-hour naps the Friday after I found out)

And now, 1 week later to the day that I "got my job back," I can honestly say that I am glad that I went through this situation. Is that crazy? Even though everyone says that being a therapist is one of the best and most secure jobs, I learned in a 1-hour meeting how NOTHING is secure. I mean, I've known this all along, but it was proven on that day. Tomorrow is not promised. I saw the true character of people I work with, and saw people really come together. I was reminded how blessed I am to have an education that would allow me to find another job. I was reminded what a blessing my husband is, and that even though he is an extremely logical thinker, his steady ways and objective view points were welcome during my "crisis." He calmly reminded me that in the journey of life, this would only be a "bump" along the way. I prayed fervently that God would reveal His plan to me. And He was faithful, as promised. Patience has never been my strong point, but in this situation, I learned to live with the "unknown." And I learned that it was ok. I don't have to plan my every step, because someone much bigger than myself, is already two steps ahead, planning in my best interest.

So maybe this explains my blogging absence. There was no way I could have gathered my thoughts and written about this situation in the midst of it all. I told some of my closest PT friends, and felt nothing but support and encouragement. Again, a reminder of yet another blessing in my life...awesome friends. 

Emotional roller coaster? YES. Valuable learning and character building experience? Absolutely. Seeing, living and feeling the power of prayers of many people? 7 days straight. Being reminded of who is really in control? Amen.

I've always been a control-freak and a major planner. I tend to unravel a bit when things don't go as planned. I like to blame it on my type-A personality. But I hope that this experience has built my character stronger. It taught me great perspective on life, and I will carry it with me, wherever my life journey takes me.